***Hi everyone! Welcome to my 100th post! As you can see there are two posts, neither of which are a BONUS. They are both the 100th post and they can be read in any order. I’d also like to dedicate my 100th to all the people who have stuck by this blog, new and old, from the very beginning till this very moment, and I hope I can continue to bring great writing, great story, and just great greatness to your lives! Thank you for all your support! Lots of love, Soul xo***
I missed her. I always missed her. Even from the moment—the second!— I part from her, it’s the worst thing I feel all the time. A constant loss over and over again. Even though it was repaired when I was soon met with her; I knew, in waiting, that the loss will happen again. I lay in bed, strewn across the mattress like I had no matter in the world, when in fact I had a lot of work to do. It was a nice warm day, so I figured remaining in my boxers would be of no harm.
In a second I was going to get up and take a shower, and get ready for whatever I needed to get done. It was going to be a slow day, I just know it. It’s one of those things that you fee deep down; it’s not after the weekend, where you feel all energised and ready for the next day (even though mankind dreads Mondays), but it’s somewhere in the middle. Where work is stuck in purgatory, between the weekend before and weekend coming. The absolute worst! But hey, that was my life. I chose it, and I initially chose it for my mother. A mother who deserved all the best. The better of the best.
As I lay in my bed, I began to think about her. It hit me in the cruellest moments, ones where I’d least expect it or in public, where I couldn’t even hide how horny and in yearning I was. In yearning for Anna. I loved her dark hair and imagined it blowing in the New York breeze. The wind gently picking up those raven strands and kicking them back and forth across her face. Her beautiful smile, directed at me as her twinkling eyes pierced my very soul. Whenever I caught her looking at me—and I mean really seeing me with those emerald green eyes—a chill ran up and down my spine, rippling every nerve and fibre in my body. It was the scariest and exciting feeling, and I loved how she made me feel. Her skin, as smooth as caramel and as fair as cream, buzzed with light; it almost glowed. Anna was my girlfriend, and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. And to think that the first time we met, I nearly ran her over. The memory made me burst out laughing, and it scared me in the silence that I amassed within my room.
After a minute, footsteps started getting louder and then a knock sounded on my door. “Hey, Daniel,” Samantha called out, “are you alright?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.” It felt raspy with the lack of use since the morning. I only had woken up and sat up, thinking to get straight into work for the first part of the morning.
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
“No thanks,” I said. I wanted to get myself a cup of water. My whole mouth felt dry, as if I had trudged the Sahara. Yet before I even realised, footsteps started sounding again and I thought a second person was closing in on Samantha.
The door suddenly flung open and I jumped up as high as a kitten when it got a scare. Side story: when I was young, my mother brought home this stray kitten that was uncontrollably frightened in its new surroundings. Understandably, so. I tried coaxing it into eating food from my hand, and then that’s when I was able to pat it, right before it unexpectedly bit me, probably thinking that the tip of my finger, probably with some cat food residue on it, was also food. I jumped up at the sharp pierce into my skin. Almost instantaneously, the kitten jumped too, stretching out his tiny paws so much so that I could see between its claws. The cuteness of it all, along with the pain in my finger, made me laugh and cry at the same time.
This time was not cute. Why? Because I had a hard on while I was thinking about Anna; and I was just about to take care of it before Samantha stormed in like she owned the place.
I quickly flung the bed sheets over me, and prayed to the justly horny beings that it’d be enough to conceal my hard on. “What the hell?” I asked.
Samantha smiled with a cup of cold water in her hand; my grimace obviously having no effect. “Just bringing you a cup of water.”
“Thanks,” I said, my voice thick with confusion.
Then she sat on the bed, stretching out the bed sheets. For the love of God! I tried manoeuvring in a way to let more of the sheets to cover me up, but it was the worst thing to do, because her eyes flickered over me and then back to mine. I blushed an incredibly deep red, mostly with the anger that she saw me that way.
She moved her hand over her singlet top and smiled. “Sorry.”
“It’s not you,” I rapidly fired. I wanted to say it was Anna, scream it at the top of my lungs. ‘Get over yourself, Samantha, it’s not you’.
Samantha had been alright up until the point where Anna came along. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but Anna was right; from the moment Anna met Samantha, Samantha didn’t like her. I saw it more now that Anna was gone, and suddenly I was Samantha’s best friend again.
“What is it then?” she asked.
Well, don’t say I didn’t warn her (albeit, indirectly). “It’s Anna, of course.”
Samantha scrunched her nose. “I don’t see what you see in her.”
I scoffed. “Of course not, then you’d be a lesbian.”
A flash of annoyance flickered across Samantha’s face, and I relaxed a little, smiling. Then she turned around to face me completely, her legs crossed on my bed, and her thighs jutting out of her short-shorts. I closed my eyes for a second, my thoughts turning to Anna to give me strength.
“You know,” Samantha started, “Anna won’t have to know.”
I opened my eyes and stared at Samantha, perplexed. “What?”
Samantha shrugged. “About you and me; about us.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “There is no ‘us’, Samantha. I’m with Anna, I love Anna. And your with you boyfriend.”
Samantha moved her head from side to side. “He doesn’t satisfy me well.”
“Okay,” I stretched out the word, suddenly feeling the inappropriateness of the conversation, “I don’t need to know that.”
“Yeah you do, so when I’m sliding my finger inside my wet—”
I shot my hands to cover my ears, my palms suctioning up my ears like a plunger, and shut my eyes tightly. I started speaking while my hands blocked out all sound, my own being the most prominent and overpowering against whatever Samantha was saying, if she was saying anything.
“Look,” I began, “this is very wrong. You have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend. Not being physically satisfied isn’t a good excuse to just go fucking around with—”
A kiss silence me. Samantha’s tongue forced its way into my mouth like a snake, and when I opened my eyes, she was on top of me. I would have known if she was actually sitting on top of me, but for the time being, I only felt movement on the bed, thinking that she was leaving.
Samantha moved her hand down and grabbed a hold of me, making sure to rub me quickly. I couldn’t resist at first, blindly following the queues of my horniness. Then I stopped her, springing my hand onto hers and stopping her in her tracks. Then I pushed her slightly, I didn’t want to hurt her.
“I don’t want this,” I said, pain in my eyes.
Samantha grinned and then lowered her head. “Are you sure?”
In the one moment of weakness, I pushed Samantha backwards, and then started kissing her neck. Ready to take off her top and panties. Ready to do the worst for myself and to Anna.
“Oh, Anna,” I breathed into Samantha’s mouth as I kissed her.
Samantha shoved me off her and then mounted me. “I’m not Anna,” she said, the threat of my life blatantly colouring her tone. She slowly took off her top.
I knew in that moment, that if I went through with this, I would never forgive myself. Granted, I got this far, but still, even further and I really couldn’t live with myself. With that being said, though, I didn’t mean to be aggressive when I violently shoved Samantha of me and she fell with a dull thud to the floor.
“Get out,” I said, trying to look anywhere but her.
She stood, confused. “What for?”
“Because I can’t do this,” I said. “I could never do this to Anna. I love Anna.”
Samantha made a grinding noise at the back of her throat as she scrunched her whole face. “Yuck! Too bad, baby.”
“Daniel,” I said through clenched teeth. “Not ‘baby’. You should really leave and think about what you just did and who you just did it too.”
Samantha surprised me by laughing as she wore her top again. “Don’t guilt trip me, Daniel. You cheated on Anna as much as I did with my partner. I wouldn’t hold myself up on that high horse if I were you.”
I shook my head, trying not to believe it. “I didn’t—”
“Oh? Why? Because you didn’t completely fuck me? Because you didn’t instigate? Well,” she inched forward, swaying her shoulders, “we may as well go with it since you already cheated on her. No point in stopping now.”
Never in my life had I ever been so angry of a woman’s manipulation. With clenched, shaking fists hanging to my side, I said, “Fuck off.”
Finally, she left me. All I could think about after that, was Anna. Oh, God. Anna. What have I done?