How?

***Dedicated to Anonymous commenter at 2:07am from the post ‘The Haunting’! Here’s your BONUS! I hope you (all) enjoy!***

With one hand over my mouth, sealing it shut, I shoved Daniel out of my way and ran into the bathroom. I ended up making it just in time, and I couldn’t believe how sick I was. I was disgusted with myself; with Samantha! Samantha was the Monica Lewinski of haunted pasts. A perverted memory, to say the least. She was the kind of person who knew exactly how to get under people’s skin; all she had to do was exist, and by default, she got under my skin.

After flushing I put the top down and then sat. My arms hung over my legs, and my head rest on top. My neck stretched and the sweat built up even more; this position was not helping. This bathroom was not helping. Samantha being out there, with Daniel, was not helping. I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry about this anymore. It happened a while ago after all. But I couldn’t help myself, the tears just started flowing without my consent. The memories were as sour as the tears they provoked, and I whimpered. Like a pathetic little puppy, I whimpered.

When I got out of the stall, I was shocked at how horrible I looked in the mirror. The girl staring back at me barely looked like me. I remember being a lot happier than this. I washed my hands and wiped away what residue of sadness I had encrusted on my face. Even though I threw up, even though I cried, I still felt sick. The pounding headache didn’t help either.

In that moment, I was afraid that I could never entirely trust Daniel again. Or that it would take a considerable amount of time. There were a million-and-one Samantha’s out there, how will I know?

“Anna?” by the sound of the voice, I could tell it was Daniel. “Anna? Are you okay?”

I remained silent. In my quest to calm myself back to a tranquil state, I had closed my eyes and tried focusing on my breathing.

“Anna I’m coming in,” Daniel said.

Daniel found me hunched over the sink, with trembling arms that held me up. I trembled with rage.

Daniel placed a hand over my shoulder, instantly I melted at the touch. “Anna,” he said softly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d be here. Honestly.” A pause entered and not a word was exchanged. “Anna, say something.”

I peeled myself off the sink, and with nothing but fury, I struck Daniel across his face with an open hand. My palm sizzled beside me, and Daniel’s half-shock, half-expectant, face burned into my memory.

“That was long overdue,” I spat through gritted teeth.

Daniel remained silent, probably in the hopes to not pluck a final chord of mine. I was normally a non-violent person, especially towards a person I really love, so I was just as shocked at myself as Daniel was.

A final tear ran out. “I want to go home.”

I couldn’t tell to which home I was referring to. How could I have been so happy with Daniel this whole time, and have one person swoop in and fuck it all up? How could I love Daniel so much, and hate him for a single moment, all at the same time? How?

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11 thoughts on “How?

  1. I don’t necessarily think it’s about trusting daniel…I mean I’m sure a part of it is. But I think honestly she needs to confront Samantha, it’s probably not classy or dignified but I don’t think she’s going to get over it if every time she sees her she has to hold back. Brian and Daniel are friends so if she moves to New York anna is going to see Samantha and brian again. I think she needs to tell daniel how she really feels and Samantha too…anna won so it’s not like she will lose him. I also think brian needs to know what happened. It’s not fair to him to keep him in the dark…I don’t think it needs to come from anna, and Samantha is never going to tell the truth so daniel needs to step up and be a man and admit. I think it will help anna move on from this too. I do not want anna and Daniel to break up!!!

  2. I think they should have talked through the Samantha thing before agreeing to move in together. She obviously has a lot of built up feelings inside that are much more serious than she expected. I think this could change things between her and daniel once they hash it all out. but I do hope they stay together!!

  3. Thanks for the bonus. Keep Anna and Daniel together – it’s going really well aside from Samantha. Let Anna understand Daniel’s side of the story and then let her work through the anger with him and then we can move on. Getting her to NYC and telling the story of her and Daniel’s engagement will be a good read. Then you can close out these characters while the story is still good and start fresh with some new ones for us! 🙂

  4. I keep thinking that the whole Brian and Daniel friendship is a sham. What kind of friend doesn’t tell that his friends girlfriend tried to sleep with him. Brian seems like a great caring guy. I absolutely think that Daniel and Anna can work through this, but not with these secrets. And maybe not in New York.

  5. Hi everyone!

    Thank you to those who have been checking out the song! The songs I link to this blog add another layer to the story so I hope some have liked the song; I’m currently binge-watching Regina Spektor live at Lollapalooza (2007). She’s awesome!

    All these opinions about Daniel’s character and his friendship with Brian is so interesting too! It’s great to see people still support their relationship (and that even H S wants me to start with all new characters; intriguing, I must say!).

    I hope I continue to interest everyone with future posts and that I link you to good music!

    See you soon!

    Soul xo

  6. I agree. Keep Daniel & Anna together but they need to get it all out in the open. Anna needs to hear Daniel’s side & Brian needs to know what a tramp he has. Remember he couldn’t satisfy Samantha so he should get someone that loves him. Get Sam out of the picture. No one wants to be reminded of her or Derrick.
    I’d like to read about Anna slapping the crap out of Samantha. Don’t let trash push you around. Sam isn’t worth it.
    Thanks for the bonus!! It’s nice to know you truly put your work out there & enjoy it immensely!!

    1. I agree with everyone who suggested confronting Samantha. Much like how Anna felt that slapping Daniel was overdue, I think an Anna/Samantha showdown is overdue.

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