***Sorry I haven’t posted in a while everyone. I know it’s just one post since last week but I’m in a difficult place right now to keep up a lot of posts. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to upload more posts next week. For now, I hope you enjoy!***
The image of Adam was getting blurrier and blurrier; and our motions reacted with the same sort of hazy skip. First there was an urgency, and then suddenly, without either of us realising until I do later, a slow pull took over. I was staring at the ceiling, but even though I wasn’t seeing I knew Adam was down, lapping up every inch. But at some point it felt like I was alone. As if he was never there in the first place.
I kept trying to pull at the seams and do whatever it was I needed to do to understand this whole situation, but nothing worked out. It wasn’t until I was blinking an excessive amount of times that my eyes were beginning to prolong its close. Eventually, I momentarily saw and felt nothing.
Then it started getting cold on my skin, but I still felt warm inside, I was beginning to hear car horns blaring from the street. I was sweating. My jacket was still on but it wasn’t the cause. As I crawled my way back into reality, I convulsed and curled my toes. I stretched my arms to weakly clench the bed sheets, my strength not entirely regained from the dream. I arched my back and lifted my head. I gasped and moaned, feeling myself get even hotter. Some places, a certain place, sizzling and…wet!
In a sudden jolt, my eyes opened. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. In the mirror, my cheeks were red, completely flushed. I took off all my clothing and then, knowing that seeing is believing and having hoped that it wasn’t true, I really did come. I sat on the stool, naked and awkward. I just came to a sex dream with Adam. ADAM! It was so hot, and I was enjoying it. I squealed and covered my face with my hands. The embarrassment, the sheer shock, was just all too much.
A knock on the door made me shudder. I didn’t know what time it was, so I didn’t know if it was Daniel, or Adam, or the concierge, or housekeeping or what. I’m ruling out Daniel for the simple fact that he has the key card to enter the room. But then again I’ve had friends and family who had house keys, ring the doorbell and knock on the door, alerting everyone to their arrival.
“Coming!” I yelled. And just like in the dream I was half-excited and half-nervous. Now for all the reasons revealed to me.
I chucked on sweatpants and a shirt, the first things I thought to wear, and then took a sip from the bottled water. I checked myself in the mirror and saw some flaked mascara and a tiny smudge of eyeliner. It’s so frustrating that the dream has turned everyday routine into something of a coincidence. I was living out my dream right before my eyes.
The second set of knocks feathered on the door. “You okay in there?”
Okay, it was definitely a man. No help in ruling out my list of potentials.
“Fine,” I called back, “be right there!”
I wet some q-tips and wiped under my eyes. Then I used the other end of the q-tips to dry the spot. I threw them in the bin when I realised this was too much of a delicate and time-stretching job to be doing right now. I took a sip of bottled water, breathed in then out, and opened the door.
“Adam,” I smiled.
Adam returned the smile. “You seem surprised. Even though you called me.”
“Nope,” I said. A sudden lull in the conversation appeared.
Adam lifted his brows and his mouth fixed into a line of confusion. “Can I come in?”
I shook my head to knock myself out of the awkward stupor I created for myself. “Of course. Come!—” I waved him over quickly, then the association with the word ‘come’ and my dream made my eyes widen “—I mean enter me—” I gasped “—I mean, my place. The place. Enter the place of the hotel.”
Adam narrowed his eyes and then laughed. “Okay.” He walked in. “What are you doing in a hotel room anyway? Doesn’t Daniel live here?”
“He wanted us to feel like we’re still on our vacation,” I explained, closing the door and walking to sit next to him on the bed.
“And do you?”
“Do I what?”
Adam chuckled. “Feel like you’re till on vacation.”
I thought about it for a minute. “I guess not, by you being here.”
“I liven up every party,” Adam said.
I smiled and nudged him. “Don’t kid yourself.”
“Hey,” Adam said, lifting a thumb to my cheek, “why are you so red? It’s freezing outside.”
I quickly stood up and faced him. “It’s nothing.”
Adam lifted a brow. “A secret?”
I nodded, smiling in relief. “A secret.”
Adam stood with me. “You know, if I knew I was walking into you doing some funny business—”
My eyes widened and I smacked him on the arm. “Adam!”
Adam laughed and threw his hands up palms forward. “Just sayin’.” I’m just glad I changed before he entered the room. “Want to go out? My treat.”
Adam left me to gather some of my things before leaving. As usual we were laughing our butts off at just about anything. Onlookers were starting to freak out. We ended up at Tommy Bahama’s restaurant on fifth and we both ate a great deal. Our server was the best and funniest waiter in the whole world. I have never met anyone like him. Everything was picture perfect.
“So what’s going on with you?” Adam asked.
I shrugged. “The only new thing I can think of, which I’m sure I’ve already told you, is that I’m moving to New York at the end of the year.”
Adam nodded. “Awesome. I always think about all the fun times we could have in New York and now we can actually make those fun times a reality.”
I grinned. “And now I don’t ever have to miss you anymore.”
Adam shrugged and tilted his head from side to side. “You never know; I mean, we still wouldn’t be living together. It could get pretty rough.”
“You’re right,” I joked along, putting on a serious façade, “how will I ever deal without you being in my life 24\7?”
I laughed at how deep my sarcasm pinched Adam. Adam rolled his eyes but ended up laughing with me.
“Are you happy?” Adam asked.
The question took me by surprise. It wasn’t the fact that he thought to ask it that hurt me, but it was the thought that maybe I wasn’t exactly living the life that I wanted. The possibility that I wasn’t happy actually ached. I wondered, seriously wondered, was I?
I shrugged. “Yeah.”
Adam smiled. “That didn’t sound too convincing.”
“Adam…” I started.
“No just wait,” he said. “I don’t want you to feel put down by what I ask you, I just want you to be happy. Is that so much to ask?”
“Yes,” I mumbled.
I sighed and shook my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Okay,” I said. “It’s like, not just my happiness at stake here.”
“Who else’s? Daniel?”
“Can we just not talk about this?”
Adam sighed. “You do know how much I…care for you, don’t you?”
“Of course. I care for you, too.” I thought about his girlfriend that wasn’t really his girlfriend.
Adam shrugged. “I just…want you to be happy.”
It looked like he wanted to say more. As if he stopped short at ‘just’ rolled over the words in his mind for a bit, and then ended with that sentiment. I forced a smile, to keep the ambience cool and reassure him somehow that everything was fine, and then picked up to sit next to him. He held me in his arms and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“I know,” I sighed.
I heard Adam gulping a couple of times. Whatever was making him feel nervous was making me feel nervous. “You don’t owe him anything, Anna.”
A headache formed while trying to hold back the tears. I knew he wasn’t trying to convince me to find his way and his opinions and paths the right ones. I was just that transparent. I didn’t want to feel like I was in a failing relationship; but my God, I don’t think I could hide it any more I could live it through to the end.
Adam was kind of enough to walk me back to the hotel. Seeing as how my vision was partially blurred by tears I refused to decline. And seeing as how it was Adam, well, who would decline? We rode the elevator in silence, all the way up to my room. It was about an hour or two into the night that I realised I hadn’t even thought about Daniel since the morning. I was starting to take everything as a sign and that little (well endowed) bump in the road was worrying.
While Adam and I were saying our goodbyes outside of the room, the door suddenly whisked forwards, revealing Daniel.
Daniel flickered his eyes between Adam and me and furrowed his brows. His nose flared, noticeably agitated. “Where the hell were you?” he asked me while looking at Adam for prolonged moments of time. “I’ve been calling and calling.”
“Uh, my ph-phone must’ve died or something,” I stuttered.
“I’ll leave you two to it,” Adam said. “Goodnight.”
I smiled. “Goodnight.”
I waved at Adam one last time and then walked inside. I placed my bag onto the bed and turned around. Daniel’s face, from outraged, turned into a subtle sadness that he was trying to conceal. His brows obviously twitching. In this silence that slipped in between us, it felt like he knew what was coming as well.
“Daniel,” I said, “I think we need to talk. I don’t know if—”
Daniel held up his hand, palm forward. “Whatever it is, good or bad, don’t say it.”
“But I have to.”
“At least not now.”
“Then tell me after Egypt.”