Used To Love Him

***Hi all! Thank you to those who have checked out the comment I made on my other blog; and for all who continue to support me! Means the world! Just to let everyone know, I have finally put up a posting schedule for SamsonandDelilah on the ‘About’ section of the page! Feel free to check it out! I’ve also noticed that I’m 10 followers from a milestone so, if you can and\or want, please share this blog to everyone you know and love, Facebook or twitter, or even on other blogs of your choosing! I’m going to repeat this in the next post but, I really want to say it now; Merry Christmas everybody! Enjoy!***

Pizza is like the solid version of beer; the social lubricant of the friendship-slash-acquaintance-slash-undecided-slash-unclear world. Too many slashes? Yeah, I thought so too. One more slash and I would have had a Freddy Kruger complex.

I didn’t even call before I came over. I just held the pizza in one hand, thinking that Mark would be home and interested. But it was a Friday night, and I knew him well enough to know that he usually hunts for a girl(s) on Fridays or Saturdays. Or both! Or just any day, really. It was a bad decision not to call, but just when I was about to give up, turn around and drive my sorry ass home, the door flew open.

“God, I’ve been trying to reach you non-stop,” Mark said, holding up his cell. “The funny thing is, I just realised I didn’t know where you live either, so I had no way of dropping by and seeing how you were doing, you know, if you were alive and all. Then I thought I should try stalking your cute butt and—“ he sniffed and flickered his eyes over to the pizza “—with all the toppings?” he grinned.

I smiled. “With all the toppings.”

He moved to the side. “You may enter. But you have to promise to tell me what happened?”

I nodded, stepping inside and into his bedroom. The apartment was empty, not a trace of his friends home.

“Did the guys go out?”

Mark nodded.

“How come you stayed?”

Mark shrugged. “I was worried about you.” I stared at him, smiling. “Aww don’t give me that look. Give me the freakin’ pizza.”

I laughed, sitting on the bed alongside him. “So, you want to know all the dirty deets huh?”

Mark held a slice and bit into a large chunk. “Yeah!” he managed to say through the mouthful.

I unloaded the entire baggage. From start to finish; BDSM to 911. Mark barely nibbled on his pizza before dropping it all into the box and taking it into the kitchen. He brushed his teeth and brought us both some water.

“I don’t get why this happens to you,” Mark said. “I’m trying to help out and it just gets worse and worse.”

I shook my head. “You know what the worst part of it all was? He reminded me so much of Daniel. I almost did feel like I was cheating on him. How pathetic is that?”

I looked down. Mark placed his hand on my cheek. When I didn’t look up he moved closer, lowering his head. “Look, it just takes time. That’s all. All you need is time.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Mark nodded. My heart skipped a beat, because I hadn’t decided to reveal this to anyone until now. “I didn’t even cry that hard or much when things ended. It’s starting to freak me out. It’s beginning to make me question whether or not I really did love him.”

“You did,” Mark was quick to respond, “Don’t you forget that. Just because you didn’t show it doesn’t mean you didn’t feel it. Some people don’t react to certain things until days, weeks or even months later. I mean, you can hate a person without spilling blood, right?”

I huffed a laugh, and for some reason I was thinking that he was referring to himself as well. “Yeah, same thing I guess.”

He moved closer. “It is the same.”

His hand was behind my neck, caressing me lightly. He was gentle to the touch, sweet with the words. Nothing stung. Just right.

In this instant I finally saw Mark in the light I was all too quick to shun. I steered clear because I feared the worst; maybe I was subconsciously putting ‘sex after my failed relationship’ off. Fate didn’t agree with George, nor Jeremy; maybe the guy I was most comfortable with, Mark, was the right one for me. At least, as I looked into his eyes, pondering, wondering; letting my eyes slip onto his thin lips; I could feel comfortable. Not ashamed. Not feel like I was doing something wrong. More so, that I was doing something for myself. To heal me. A genuine patch to my wounds.

“Mark…” I whispered.

“Anna…” he breathed, closing in on me.

His lips were warm and sticky. Remnants of the minty toothpaste were present. We kissed for a few seconds, and then he pulled back to look at me. I wondered the same thing. Whether this was good or bad. Hey, theory is different to practice. Always.

“I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state,” Mark cautioned.

I giggled. “I know.”

I hooked my arm around his neck and pulled him towards me. Our kisses were quick and eager, mine surely enough were. More than a want, I needed this so badly. We quickly removed our clothing, and within seconds, Mark was inside of me. Thick and pulsating, filling me up. He was thrusting too slowly and gently to fulfil the kind of need I wanted this exact moment, so we switched. He squeezed my thighs as I rode hard. Gasping, groaning, and pleading with my moans.

Mark sat up and start kissing my chest. Then he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me into his lips. I kissed hard. Pushed hard. Shoving my tongue into his mouth, taking control. I bit his bottom lip and he sucked in a breath of air at the sharp pain. I could taste the blood on my lips.

He flipped me over, onto my stomach. I spread my legs as far as I could, grabbing the headboard for support. Mark held my hips and slipped into me. Then suddenly, he pulled out, making me gasp loudly. He did that a couple times more; until he remained inside, driving into me, switching up the rhythm.

“Mark!” I screamed.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” Oh, my God! Please don’t stop. Keep going. “Keep going!” Keep going, keep going, keep going. “Go, go, go—ahhh!” I curled my toes and tensed my back as he thrust harder while I came.

I gasped a few more notes, and then fell. Realising Mark hadn’t even come yet, I tried starting something up again, but suddenly a wave of exhaustion came over me.

“It’s okay,” he said.

“But you didn’t come.”

Mark smiled sheepishly. “Actually, I did. I think you were a little too into it to notice.”

“Oh,” I smiled.

Surprisingly, Mark pulled me in to sleep over him. I was finally in a calm sex-coma of my own making, feeling relaxed and released of crimpling negativity.

***

The boys hadn’t yet come home, so I was lucky enough to be sitting on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, crying to myself without anyone ever noticing. I was finally crying hard. Harder than I had the first time. It confirmed everything for me; that I did truly love Daniel, and maybe I don’t anymore. That I’m sad we parted, but at the same time grateful. How unbelievably stuck I was over him and now I’m free. It was a whole mish-mash of emotions and tumbling feelings; and I know it sounds corny, but Mark really did help me release them all. Thanks to him, I could finally say Daniel was someone I used to love.

When I started hearing footsteps outside, I quickly stood to wash my face at the sink, attempting to erase all evidence of tears and sadness and relief before a knock sounded.

“It’s me,” Mark said. “I’m coming in.”

Before I could reply, he opened the door.

“I’m just washing up,” I said, a little phlegmy I might add. I cleared my throat, turning it into a raspy one. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I can see you through the mirror,” Mark smiled.

I looked up. “Oh.” Released, but blind. “Look, I know this stuff kind of makes you uncomfortable and you can’t handle it and whatnot—”

Mark held up his hands for me to stop and shook his head. “Hold on. If my…whatever this is…is crying, then I’m going to be there for them.” He held out his hand. “Come into the bedroom and we’ll talk.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just me, you, and a soccer ball.” Mark grinned. I laughed. “Hey, baby steps, right? My gift to you; Merry Christmas.”

I nodded, taking his hand. “Right; Merry Christmas.”

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5 thoughts on “Used To Love Him

  1. Those moments where you realize something is really in the past can be so painful, but I’m glad it wasn’t too awful. What a head trip, though. Those are never fun.

  2. “I didn’t even call before I came over. I just held the pizza in one hand, thinking that Mark would be interested and home. But it was a Friday night, and I knew him all too well to know that he’s usually hunting for some girls on Friday’s or Saturday’s”

    This literally makes no sense. Right down to the apostrophe S-es on the end of what should be plural, not possessive, days of the week. Fridays or Saturdays.

  3. “His hand was behind my neck, caressing me lightly. He was gentle to the touch, sweet with the words. Nothing stung. Just right.” That quote was cute!

    Hope she feels better and I wouldn’t mind things getting more serious with Mark. I have a feeling that’s not the direction this is heading though!

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