All Is Full Of Love

***Hi all! Thank you for being patient with me. When I said the post will be up in a few hours, that wasn’t in anticipation that the day would turn upside down! Anyway, here’s the post, I hope you all enjoy! Soul xo***

“So you’re siding with him?”

Daniel fixed himself up on his elbow. The bed dipping in the middle between us. “There’s no sides, Anna. He’s your friend.”

“How is it that you’re saying this to me when you hate him?”

“I don’t exactly hate him. Hate is too much of a strong word. I strongly, very strongly, dislike Adam. But regardless of how I feel about him, you just can’t leave him hanging like that.”

I shrugged. “Like what? Is it better to hurt him? I don’t think so.”

“Look,” Daniel sighed, finally sitting up; placing his hands on my knees, he urged me to turn my body and face him too. “For whatever reason you don’t want to tell him, I get it. I get that you don’t want to hurt, Adam. And I can’t believe I’m saying this because I’d rather defend The Ripper than Adam, but he deserves to know. And if not him, then I deserve for our love to be expressed. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide it and I don’t want to feel like I have to hide it too. He’s your best friend, Anna; I mean, come on. It’s going to come and bite you on the ass sooner or later. And not in the good way I do it,” he winked, trying to lighten the mood.

I hooked up the corner of my mouth, humourlessly. “But he was so glad that…” that what? That your mother died? I couldn’t tell him that.

Daniel lowered his head to catch my attention. “That what?” he rubbed my thigh.

“That…that we broke up,” I mumbled. The other line I was about to go with in my head, threating to blurt out.

Daniel huffed a tiny chuckled. “Of course he would be. If you were with him, and then broke up, I’d be glad, too. Not in the way that I’d want you to be unhappy, but in the way that means I’d still have a shot with you.” He sighed. “Just tell him.”

“If he never spoke to me again,” I muttered hesitantly, “will you be glad, too? Just like Derek?”

Daniel shook his head. “Of course not. I don’t hate him that much. Whatever connection you have with him is important to you, so it’s important to me. But you have to know that I don’t think I can ever like the guy. Besides, he’s hated me from day one. Remember how I was picking you up from Martin’s to go to dinner, and he was there? I still remember those eyes.”

I remembered. Adam was so disappointed with me. I never like it when he’s disappointed with me; it churns my insides and makes me wince, like nails on a chalkboard.

“You never like the guys I befriend,” I noted.

Daniel laughed. “That is kind of true. The Japanese guy was cool, though. I like him.”

“Noboru.”

Daniel nodded. “That’s right. Noboru. Probably the only one I ever liked. Hey, you know how to pick ‘em, too.”

I grinned bashfully. “Yeah, my mistake.”

“Besides, each one had an aspect that I didn’t like because you seemed to gravitate towards them and not me. That was a different time.”

“That was.”

“I think we’re better now.”

“Me too,” I nodded. He should meet Paul; I’m sure they’d get along.

“Which is why you have to tell Adam,” he urged once more.

I groaned. “Will you come with me?”

“You know I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s going to think it’s a gang up, abrasive attack. He’s going to feel threatened. Trust me, I know how this goes, you and only you should go.”

“Okay,” I nodded. Breathing in and out irregularly. “Okay, okay. I will. I’ll tell him.”

“Good,” Daniel smiled.

I spread out my legs down the bed, and turned over to switch off the bedside lamp. I had been spending so much time over at Daniel’s lately, that I hardly ever saw Adam. And whenever I did, it was always for a few minutes. A quick catch up and I was again. We’d spend all our time at work, and then Adam would go home back to his place, and I’d go to Daniel’s. When Adam asked me about where I always go, I always told him to a friends’ place. Or I deviated the question. I did whatever it took to steer clear of bringing up Daniel, and that meant I couldn’t delve deep into too much detail. Otherwise, it would get confusing.

But now there was this mess I made. Out of fear, I created this liar within me; I couldn’t step up to the plate. I was worried about losing Adam if I ever told him that I was back with Daniel; and now, it seemed the stakes were high considering, on top of going back to Daniel, I lied to him.

This wasn’t me. I’m not like this at all; and that’s what Jodie was seeing. Even if I couldn’t see myself becoming that way, she saw it approaching from the horizon. A mass of molasses-sticky tar of lies, crawling and paving a risky friendship that could ultimately turn into stone and crumble. And I couldn’t lose Adam. I just couldn’t; I love him. But will Adam love me enough to forgive me?

“Anna?”

“Mmm?”

Daniel stroked my bare arm with his fingertips. “You still haven’t told me what you think of moving in together.”

***

Between the beginning of March and June, the Museum of Modern Art on 11th West and 53rd Street was hosting a twenty year retrospective on Björk and her magnificent career. This was in time for her latest album, Valnicura; already considered a masterpiece by critics and fans alike. I had always thought Björk was so underrated and therefore underappreciated; and that Björk, Lady GaGa and Roisin Murphy all bore a creative resemblance to each other. If they ever collaborated one day, it’d be one hell of an awesome mix.

It has been argued and proven through mountains of research that couples who spend time in their relationships seeking new and exciting experiences together are happier and more committed than couples who rely on a routine. So it only seemed fitting then, that Daniel and I try something new and exciting. Thus, Björk.

In the Museum lobby, instruments used on Biophilia—a gameleste, pipe organ, gravity harp, and Tesla coil—play songs from the album at different points throughout the day. On the second floor, in the Marron Atrium, two spaces have been constructed: one is dedicated to a new sound and video installation, commissioned by The Museum of Modern Art, for ‘Black Lake,’ a song from Björk’s new album; and the second is a cinema room that screens a reflective in music videos, from Debut to Biophilia. On the third floor, Songlines presents an interactive, location-based audio experience through Björk’s albums, with a biographical narrative that is both personal and poetic, written by the acclaimed Icelandic writer Sjón, along with many visuals, objects, and costumes, including the robots designed by Chris Cunningham for the ‘All Is Full of Love’ music video, Marjan Pejoski’s Swan Dress, and Iris van Herpen’s Biophilia tour dress, among many others.

Daniel and I were watching ‘All Is Full of Love’, after we took in other sites and floors. I couldn’t help but think about our love, and how it transcended hardship, trials and tribulations, to somehow come back full circle to us again. And here we were, looking at two robots making mechanical love. I wouldn’t say I was a die-hard fan of Björk, but I did admire her work and sound. Sometimes it’s hard to take in her accent and lyrics; the delivery of her words, pronunciation, and accentuation; but once you take the whole song in, with all the elements meshed together, it becomes apparent the particular melody only works and is emphasised with Björk’s voice.

“This is pretty amazing,” I commented.

“I didn’t think I’d enjoy it this much,” he agreed.

I laughed. “Why’d you buy us tickets then?”

He squeezed my hand, smiling. “I know you like Björk and artistic out there things like this.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at him.

He shifted his hands around my waist, pulling me in. “You’re welcome.”

Daniel lowered his head, and our lips pressed. We must have looked clichéd in front of a video called ‘All Is Full of Love’ to be kissing, but I didn’t care. It felt sweet, and delicious; and I absolutely loved it when Daniel kept squeezing me closer and closer in towards his body. LOVE it!

“Anna?” I heard a voice.

I turned around from my creamy-light haze to find Adam standing right next to us. Okay, so not ‘hardly any room’ right next to us, but pretty close. With a bewildered, almost flabbergasting expression. His eyes wide; mouth slightly parted, as if he were going to speak but couldn’t utter phrases. His jaw ticked and his eyes bore a significant similarity to that of his eyes at Martin’s place.

Adam was frozen. Absolutely frozen. As was I.

***Follow me on twitter!***

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “All Is Full Of Love

  1. We knew it was gonna happen & in Public!!!
    Why was it so hard for her to tell Adam. He’d figure it out eventually-like Now! The old Biblical phrase ‘be sure your sins will find you out’ is ringing a bell. Busted!!
    Anna at least isn’t dull.

  2. Anna is started to become a huge pussy. She hardly has a backbone. Her idea of “not saying anything to not hurt anyone” hurts everyone way worse. Can we please have her get her shit together? It’s starting to become terrible awkward reading.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s