Not As Loyal As Friends, Nor As Destructive As Enemies

“How can you automatically move onto another guy after you and Daniel broke up?” Noelle asked incredulously.

I shrugged. “It didn’t happen like that. Chris was just being friendly, and nice. Can’t a guy be those things?”

Leo smiled. “He can if he wants to get into your pants.”

I rolled my eyes as we scurried inside the large Hamptons mansion that belonged to Leo’s friend. Apparently he was coming in later with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. Amidst all the playing around and getting together with other people, exciting strangers, I felt a surge of emptiness. Almost like I didn’t belong. But it came and went in waves and I never voiced my concerns. I happen to be one of the few people in the world who are comfortable with being alone.

“By your statement,” I plopped my bag on the floor in the living room, “then we’re not friends? Have I slept with you before?” I laughed at my awkward joke.

Noelle and Leo shared a look of secrecy. It could mean one of two things: they thought I was drunk; or, they were sleeping together. I’m going with option number two, lock it in!

“Whatever,” Leo shrugged. “Hey, Noelle, help me with the bags?” He asked so casually.

“Sure,” Noelle replied, just as blasé.

I headed straight for the impeccable stainless steel kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and sipped. It was quiet, tranquil in fact. A beautiful summer home by the beach, in a quiet community with a hefty nightlife. I miss coming down here with Daniel; I miss Jade and her immediate acceptance of me; I miss a lot.

The first stage of a break-up is always hard; where everything just reminds you of the one you left, or left you. It hurts. And then we have the things that aren’t tangible to remind me, like memories. Memories are harder to lose. Not even with time could it fade. Perhaps become blurry, but there’ll always be a moment, in a loud, crowded room, or at silent midnight where everyone is asleep, that’ll remind me of Daniel. At times I love remembering, and others I hated it.

“Anna? Anna? Did you hear me? Anna!” a finger snapped before me and I flinched.

“Yeah?” I asked Noelle.

“Did you hear me?” she asked confusedly, concentration deep in her stare.

“Oh, sorry, no.”

“I said the one true measure, I personally think, of knowing you’re over a man is if there’s no way you can contact him or he can contact you.”

“I don’t agree,” Leo said, passing by us and out the door.

I smiled lazily. “You don’t think that’s kind of overreacting? I mean, I’ve done that with another ex of mine only because he was an asshole. Adam and Daniel aren’t assholes.”

“No, but it’ll help.”

“Help what?”

“The transition, of course.”

Why do people speak about break-ups like they’re rare cases of diseases that has the ability to wipe out an entire nation? Can’t I have they’re numbers in my cell and just not abuse it?

“I won’t contact them,” I finally said.

“It’s not about contacting them,” Noelle explained. “It’s about the questions of whether or not you’re ready to let them go. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. Then, I sighed, a little agitatedly. “It just doesn’t make sense to me. It just seems unnecessarily cruel, that’s all.” I wondered if ‘cruel’ was the right word.

Noelle shrugged. “It’s just a thought anyway. A theory even. Nothing important.”

***

‘How is it up there?’ Chris texted.

It’s fine. Breezy,’ I replied. ‘How is it in New York?’

‘Fine. Breezy.’

I smiled at him mimicking my words and tone through text. ‘My friends have the wrong idea about us.’

‘Oh?’ he asked, indirectly encouraging me to go on.

‘They think we’re into each other.’

‘But we’re not.’ I didn’t know if he was asking or adding to the explanation.

‘I only just got out of a relationship and they think I’m moving on too fast.’

‘Starting with me?’

‘Yes. But I told them they were wrong.’

‘That’s good. We wouldn’t want to get ourselves confused.’

‘No, we wouldn’t.’ I added a smiley face to lighten the mood.

‘Thanks for being honest with me; I have a girlfriend anyway.’

I didn’t entirely know how to react to that. ‘Oh?’

I imagined him smiling on the other side. ‘Yes, so don’t worry about it. I’m just being friendly.’

‘Thanks…friend.’ Another smiley face.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he sent after a couple minutes of no messaging.

‘Sure.’

‘Was it serious?’

‘Yes.’

‘Who broke it off?’

‘I did. But we’ve been on and off for a while.’

‘Why?’

I looked into the distance to ponder the question and only found one silly answer. ‘Probably because we felt like the loves of each other’s lives.’

‘You believe in that?’

‘I’m not sure anymore. You?’

‘I don’t know yet. I’m waiting for the girl to make me believe.’

‘Thought you had a girlfriend.’

‘It’s not entirely serious. We’re currently at an impasse in our relationship. She got pregnant and suffered a miscarriage, and ever since we haven’t been right.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Thanks.’ He put a smiley face, one in which I interpreted was a polite smile.

‘Why are you telling me this?’ I wondered.

‘I’m sorry, is it bothering you?’

‘Not, not at all, it just comes as a little surprise that’s all.’

‘I open up to strangers way too much.’

‘Oh, I thought we were friends?’

‘Lol strangers are better.’

‘How so?’

‘We don’t have the responsibility of being as loyal as friends, nor as destructive as enemies. We’re a perfect mix.’ After a while, he texted me again. I was on my bed in this luscious house, ready to take a little nap, then I heard my phone gong. ‘I want to break up with her, but it’ll break her heart. Plus, I love her to death. Is that weird?’

I smiled because it was exactly how I felt when I was breaking up with Daniel. It made me realise that if two people could feel the same way, understand each other like that, then I wasn’t alone and crazy. I found comfort in the fact. And like the reverse of time, the emptiness began to fill just a tad.

Finally, I replied: ‘No, it’s not weird.’

***

The next morning, I was awoken to the sound of the waves crashing onto the sand and the freshness of the summer breeze entering my room. When I remembered that I had left my window closed not open during the night, I got confused. I shuffled in bed, feeling a weight over my ribs. When I turned I found none other than Frankie sleeping next to me, his tattooed arm over me.

“What the fuck!?” I screamed, waking Frankie and jumping out of bed.

He jolted out of sleep and hopped off on the other side of the bed, eyes red, still half-asleep. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

I lifted my brows. “Me? What the hell are you doing here?”

I began hearing a rush of footsteps muffled by distance and wood. Then, the door flung open and out popped Noelle, Leo, and a guy and a girl I didn’t recognise.

Leo, with a crowbar above his head, dropped it to his side and sighed. “Oh, you gave us a heart attack.”

“Are you alright?” Noelle asked.

“He was in my bed,” I said, still frazzled.

“Sorry!” Frankie exclaimed. “I thought it was empty.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Frankie?” I asked.

“Frankie?” Leo asked. “You know her?”

Frankie nodded. “Yup.”

“You know Frankie?” I asked Leo.

“Yeah,” he said. “This is his place.”

I eyed Frankie’s smirking face. Frankie has a house in the Hamptons? Nah-uh. No way. The guy barely has money to pay for a dinner date.

***Hi all! A couple of things: firstly, I’ve started a new website that will be up and running soon. If you’ve seen my article about the “Top 10 beauty and fashion youtubers” and liked it, then you might be interested in this new blog. I’ll pretty much be writing non-fictional articles and hopefully it’ll interest all of you. I’ll also be taking requests on anything you’d like to see on the website, be it visual or written or both, so please do email me and let me know. It’s going to be a more visual website, but definitely be article based. It’s new, it’s fun, and I’ve received encouragement to do this so I’m nervous and excited. I hope you are all excited, too! Second thing, I have eight Wattpad posts on hold, if I get eight comments from eight different readers, I’ll soon edit and post them all at once! Love you Lots, and wish me luck, Soul xo!***

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12 thoughts on “Not As Loyal As Friends, Nor As Destructive As Enemies

  1. Who’s Frankie? I think Anna is making a huge mistake moving on so quickly. She seems like the type that always needs a man around. What happened to her being a strong, independent woman?

  2. Please add Frankie to the character list – we don’t remember who he is! Can’t wait to read your watt pad chapters 🙂

  3. I thought I was the only one who had no clue who Frankie, is no idea? Super excited about the Wattpad post love the story. Good luck on the new website!

  4. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t remember Frankie..
    Loving this blog so much, definitely my favourite 🙂

  5. I can’t remember who Frankie is either but can’t wait to read the Wattpad stories ! And good luck with the new website – glad you figured out a way to post your articles! 🙂

    Ps – I feel like I am mourning Daniel and Anna’s relationship more than she is! 😦

  6. Something about this feels weird to me, if only because I wouldn’t trust someone who spills about being unhappy in their relationship immediately. It doesn’t make Chris come off as particularly loyal, which isn’t a great first impression.

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