You Make Me Feel So Good Inside, I Could Of Died, Instead I Cried, One Tear For The Feeling You’ve, Given To Me, Could I Return The Favour Baby? Could I?

***BONUS post! Just to let you know, I’ve also added a ‘Published Books’ page to the blog to post links to all the books I publish. I also had a dream about that high heel I describe. Wish it were true! And yes, the title of this post is lyrics from a song, whenever it’s as long as that, it usually lyrics from a song, I just thought it suited this post very well. You’ll see why 😉 Hope you enjoy this BONUS! Soul xo!***

Before going home, I stopped off at a fashion boutique to buy some flats. In this heat I was sweating like a dripping tap, but in these heels, my perspiration exacerbated into the form of cascading water. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have figured my sweat could have adjusted the drought of an entire country in record time.

Jodie has been staying over because she has been meeting with all these coaches in New York. She’s got this great opportunity to be trained further by one of the best coaches in the world. I can see her off at Olympic status already. She thinks I’m joking; I’m not.

“Honey, I’m home,” I shouted while I shook my keys out from the keyhole.

“Hey!” I heard a call. “I’m on the bed!” Yup, she’s been sleeping in my bed most days when I wasn’t around. “How was therapy?” She asked when I rounded the corner, finding her legs strewn across and an open book in hand.

“It was alright,” I nodded. I don’t talk much about it. I’m still in the beginner’s phase where I’m a little too embarrassed to talk about it. The thing is, I don’t want to feel ashamed that I’m talking to a therapist, and especially since everyone and their mother has one. Hell, your hairdresser is a therapist! It’s more that it’s something that I want to share with Daniel only. Is that weird?

“Where are your shoes?” Jodie asked.

I chuckled and dipped my hand into my Kate Spade tote, pulling out a pair of purple flowered shoes, with a bright, yellow background and a red heel. All detailed under a shiny, patent gloss.

“My feet were killing so I had to take them off.”

“If you want you can give them to me,” she wriggled her brows up and down.

I rolled my eyes. “Fat chance. Anyway, I’m going over to Daniel’s again, so, need anything from me before I go?”

Jodie sighed and leaned back, delving into her book again. “Nope.”

Jodie has never been one out of the four us that showed much interest in reading. So right then and there I knew she was putting a whole heap of effort into pretending like my going over to Daniel’s didn’t bother her. This has been an awkward part of our friendship lately. Pretty much the day after Daniel and I got back together, and Jodie arrived at my doorstep, I mentioned it to her. Since then, she’s been slowly revealing to me that she doesn’t like Daniel. Or even care to know about our relationship. She thinks we’ve broken up and gotten back together so many times that at this point it’s become meaningless. And she doesn’t entirely like Daniel because I guess it’s easy to hate him than me for her. Perhaps. I don’t know what it is, and I try to explain that he’s done nothing wrong, but she wouldn’t listen. “You can’t make me like him,” she told me. “I always found him to be a bit iffy.” Jodie and Daniel never see each other, but I always see both. It’s hard.

“Nothing at all?” I asked to make sure.

Jodie just shook her head and I went on my way.


“Is that my girl?” Daniel called out when I entered his apartment.

I laughed. “I hope so.”

He limped over in his crutches, a big smile on his face and then suddenly, he dropped the smile. “Oh, wrong girl,” he joked.

“Hey, don’t mess with a girl armed with Japanese.” In my palms, brown paper bags carried deliciousness.

Daniel laughed and jutted his chin out. “What did you get?”

“I got a haven full of sushi, wasabi and whatnot.”

“Two bags of haven,” Daniel noted.

I shrugged. “I’m hungry and I always need to have double when it comes to this food. It just never fills me up. I still love it.”

Daniel offered his hands out for a bag, for which I ignored and placed the two on the counter. “I think that’s the point,” he said.

“Oh, you better not be saying I need it,” I warned.

Daniel laughed. “How did that end up turning into a weight thing.”

“I’m just kidding,” I said, skipping up to him and hugging him. “Hey, baby.”

“Hi, baby,” he whispered into the nook of my neck, wrapping his free arm around my waist and pulling me in closer. “How was therapy?”

“Good,” I nodded, smiling cheekily. “We’re going to try a little something tonight. Over sushi.”

“Oh,” Daniel’s eye twinkled, “a little game?” I nodded. He grinned. “Involving sex? I’m so down.” He moved his hand to my ass, squeezing and making me take in a nervous breath.

“Sorry, honey,” I said shakily, grabbing his hand and pulling away, “you’re just going to have to get lucky some other night.”

I began working on taking out the Japanese food while Daniel sat waiting on the sofa. I took my time so I could think about what just happened. It had occurred frequently and now, easier to avoid, but I just didn’t know how to get back into full swing with Daniel; and I’m referring to the sex here. I’m totally and completely committed in every aspect, but we hadn’t had sex in a while, and it’s not just because of his busted leg. I won’t even allow Daniel to run his fingers inside me.

The weird thing is, I desperately want to have sex with him. I get wet just thinking about making love to Daniel. I get wet just thinking about Daniel…period! But the wounds were still raw, the storm over the sea still churned the waters, and until sunny skies reappeared, the northern star will just have to remain clouded by this unyielding fog.

And I know I should discuss it with Dr. Shaw, but I want Daniel to be there, too.

The game started like this: Daniel and I are to write out our best qualities—the qualities that we love, the little things we notice about one another, the happiness that presents itself when we are confronted by each other—then we fold these notes closed and put them in a little bowl. One for each person. We switch the bowls and read them out loud to each other. First one to get mushy about what we were telling each other was to do a truth or dare.

“I’ll go first,” I said, popping a sushi into my mouth. I dipped my fingers into the spikes of thin sides and corners of the bowl, bending the paper as I whisked the pot, and then snapped my fingers onto one note. “’I love that you loved my mother deeply.” I peered up at Daniel, heat coating my neck, a bump caught in my throat.

Daniel shrugged. “Even after everything, you still love her and I appreciate that. I don’t think she got a lot of it when she was still here and I regret it every day. You made it easier.”

Dr. Shaw didn’t warn me about this. “Now you,” I mumbled. I couldn’t very well say, ‘you’re welcome’, but I didn’t know what to say either.

Thankfully, Daniel only smiled and picked up a note of my own. “’I love it when you give me multiple orgasms’.”

I widened my eyes, grabbing a handful of his notes and throwing them at him. “No! Don’t do that!” I laughed.

Daniel chortled wickedly, narrowing his eyes. “I knew I was only good for one reason.”

“Daniel, what does it really say?” Now I’m more nervous than I was before.

“Okay, alright, alright,” he surrendered. “’I love that you’re so attentive and considerate when it comes to me and even my friends’.”

I cleared my throat, feeling a little struggle at admitting this. “I don’t think I’ve given you enough credit for trying. You do your best, even with people you don’t like, and I thank you for it.”

“Love everyone until they give you a reason not to, is my motto,” Daniel said.

“It’s a good motto,” I nodded.

I scooted closer towards Daniel on the sofa. And we exchanged more loves and memories in that single night than perhaps any other night before. We laughed, I teared up, and Daniel comforted me. I can always count on him to comfort me. Another quality I loved and a trait that I mentioned that evening.

The thought of not treating him to something special ran through my mind all throughout our little game, and when it came to the mushy stuff, neither of us budged. I called in quits at one point and told him that rather a truth or dare scenario, that I do my own special thing for him. Daniel was of course intrigued and, under my instructions, had to get dressed and wait on the sofa while I went out for an hour more or less.


The cab pulled up onto the curb of Daniel’s street and it was at that point that I called him.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” Daniel asked.

I smiled cheekily. “Just come down. Do you need help?”

“It’s fine. I’ll be there in a second.”

After we hung up, I opened the cab door and stood outside. I took what little time I had to position myself as accurately as the memory had carved into my mind.

Daniel popped out of his building soon after and did a double-take on me. “Wow,” he said, hopping closer.

“What do you think?”

“You look damn sexy,” he replied, unable to keep his eyes from appraising me.

One night in California, when Daniel and I were both still beginners with each other, Daniel had reached my home in a cab and waited for me outside. He was dressed clean cut and so hot in a suit, black tailored pants, a white shirt and a black blazer and tie. The tie loosened (or completely off, I forgot) and his hair in a natural disarray. His hands were in his pockets and he had one leg up on the car door as he leaned up against it. I thought I had never seen anything so beautiful.

So I did the same. I went out, bought a women’s suit that looked sexy, no tie, and positioned myself the way he did, one leg up and leaning on the cab. My dark hair all to one side, wavy and easy. My white collared shirt buttoned down to the middle, baring my chest and side boobs. Yes, I’m going for sexy.

“Is this the surprise?” he asked as he neared me.

I shook my head and grinned. “It’s just the beginning.”

“Wait,” Daniel’s features dropped, “you’re not taking me to the water to deliver some bad news are you? You know, like how I did that one time. Because I have to tell you, it ain’t exactly the best spot. Just sayin’.”

I laughed into my hand. “No! Not bad news.”

Daniel grinned widely, leaning forward. “Good.”

“It’s just…”I lifted my shoulders, staring at him with a smile playing on my lips. I realised, then, that I never really made a promise to him. He’s always promised something to me, and although there’s been some ups and downs, he tried. This is my try now. Sealed with a kiss, to Daniel. “It’s just a promise.”


8 thoughts on “You Make Me Feel So Good Inside, I Could Of Died, Instead I Cried, One Tear For The Feeling You’ve, Given To Me, Could I Return The Favour Baby? Could I?

  1. I’m confused. How is she showing side boob in a button up shirt? Plus a suit comes with a blazer. You mean that with a blazer, button up there was side boob showing? How is that possible? Second it seems that you’re trying to describe a pair of louboutins. Why not post a link? Makes it easier to envision. Doesn’t Anna work? Seems like that part of her life is missing. Also the constant use of baby, honey seems unnatural.

    1. Hi Melanie!

      1. I was trying to illustrate the side boob to be coming from the inside not the outer-sides. The shirt is buttoned down near to her navel and I was thinking of elaborating on that part but I figured it’d be a bit too much time spent on her boobs. It is possible as I’ve seen it on women before. Here’s a pretty similar reference if you like:

      2. The high heels were, as I said, from a dream I had. First of all I don’t know what designer shoes they were, if that; and even if they are Louboutins (which is a definite possibility, for sure!) I’d have to narrow my search from hundreds of pairs, down to one. I know, scientifically, dreams are of things we’ve seen of in real life but wow, that’s a lot of hunting for a pair of heels 😉

      3. Anna does work. It’s only been two posts in since I started from my break. I actually have something planned for the next post but I’m still debating whether or not to leave it in the next or post, or focus on something else. I guess it will all depend on the length of the post since I don’t want to drown out my readers with a novel-like word count. Remember Brad? His book? Contracts, printing and promotions are coming so bear with me. All in due time. 🙂

      4. Lastly, certain uses of ‘honey’ and ‘baby’ are meant to be playful, others said with sincerity. Anna saying ‘baby’ to Daniel was sincere, Daniel replying ‘baby’ was playful. Anna coming in saying ‘honey, I’m home’ was meant to be playful and so was ‘sorry, honey…’. It may sound unnatural because it’s meant to, because they’re playing around with those words, if you know what I mean.

      I hope I’ve answered your questions. And if you end up doing your own search on those heels, please send me a link, I’m so serious, they sound great! 🙂

      Thanks for commenting, keep on keeping and see you soon!

      Soul xo

        1. Hey Jenny!

          I thought it may have been the terminology but then I looked it up and, as far as I know, there’s no definition that constitutes side boob as being only from one side. One says, “the view of a female breast from a side” (; similarly, another one says “the side part of a woman’s breast as exposed by revealing clothing” (, and I’m sure the inner-sides constitutes as a side; another specifically illustrates it constitutes the “visible left or right side of the breast” ( I think I also remember the stylist on Fashion Police calling the underside of a boob a side boob as well. But I’ve also heard that specifically has “underside boob” as its standard to describe that, but nothing as specific for the inner-sides.

          Man, that’s a lot of information on boobs lol. Thank you, and I’m a glad you liked this post! 🙂

          Thanks for commenting, keep on keeping and see you soon!

          Soul xo

          1. LMAO! Can’t believe I’m getting in on the “Boob Debate of 2015”, but I also was thinking “outside” boob instead of “inside boob” and it didn’t make sense. Funny how you can mean one thing with the written word and think it’s totally clear and then others are like “what the heck?” mum

  2. Your definition of side boob is what I would call CLEAVAGE. lolol I was thrown off by that as well when I first read this post. But, when I read the comments, I understood what you meant. I just think “cleavage” would have been a better description.
    I am happy that Jodie is playing the antagonist role in Daniel and Anna’s relationship. I think that is very realistic in this situation. Most close family/friends are not going to be super openly supportive of a couple who keeps breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.

    1. Hey kelseyxsays!

      I thought so too right after I wrote my last comment, but then I looked it up and and noticed that the definition is just, “the space between a woman’s breast” ( So basically where the sternum would sit. Which means that if the boobs are covered and only the middle part was visible, that would be cleavage. Which means I’d have to say that Anna was showing cleavage AND side boobs to illustrate the image I was trying to get at.

      But I’m glad at least people have this comments section like a FAQs page to answer any questions of theirs about Anna’s boobs and my choice of words lol.

      And thank you for your comment about the rest of this post!

      Soul xo

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