I returned the dress Justin and I bought together because I felt so icky about it. Even though it was an amazing dress, I settled on some lacklustre, non-festive, old drab that I found mothed away in the cupboard. I can’t say it was a bad dress, but it was last minute and significantly less sparkly. I wanted thparkles!
I invited Daniel who was still mad at me, and where neither of us could say sorry because we were both hell bent on being right. And I mean, fully, 100% right. I wasn’t about to be half-wrong\half-right. I was too stubborn for that. But so was he, so don’t just blame me!
We occupied the offices of our whole floor, and I used my key card to enter the building at such a late hour into the night. Daniel still held my hand, even though we were testy with each other. I smothered him with kisses in the elevator, and I think sometime between him grabbing my ass and my hands on his—ahem—we kind of forgot about our little argument. That was until Daniel, right after we spoke with David, went off to find us some drinks, and David parted from me. Releasing me to the wolf that is none other than freakin’ Justin.
I actually like wolves. Calling Justin a wolf would give him too much credit. He’s lower than a wolf. Wait…a wolf isn’t low to begin with—ugh!—you know what I freakin’ mean!
“Not wearing the dress I picked out for you I see,” Justin noted with a smug smile.
I narrowed my eyes. “Not wearing the beer I threw on you, I see.”
Justin laughed. “Mocking me can only get you so far.”
I chuckled humourlessly. “You know I still haven’t heard an apology from you.”
“I’m not intent on giving one, so don’t hold your breath.”
I scrunched my face, completely in shock that this guy can be such a douche to me. We’ve only just met and he’s already a bigger dick than I can even imagine!
I turned my attention back to Daniel, who was coming over with a couple of champagne flutes. “Can you get going now? Merry Christmas, okay?” I tried walking away when he called my name repeatedly. His voice rising on each one. I widened my eyes in warning and hissed, “What?”
“Afraid your boyfriend is going to do something.”
“Oh I know he will, and I won’t even stop him.” As much as I’d like to see Daniel fuck Justin up so bad he’d have to piss sideways, I didn’t want any sort of physical fight to ruin a normal day, much less a festive evening such as tonight.
“Well, I’ve come to offer a truce.”
“A truce?” I lifted a brow, sceptical.
Justin nodded. “I know neither of us are going to apologise, but I’d rather we keep a truce, forget everything and move past this. Consider this my new year’s resolution…and hope that we get along.”
He gulped, and I watched as the words seemed to taste bitter on his tongue. Like he only half-meant it. I didn’t care, truce or no truce, I guarantee he’d still be a douche by 2016. I can’t, however, guarantee he’ll have all of his teeth by the time Daniel got here. So I happily obliged, my forced smile coming off just as bitter as his words.
“Adious, friend,” Justin said before he left.
If I only I could have wiped the smug smile off before he went away.
“Who was that?” Daniel asked, handing me a glass.
“No one,” I said, snatching his glass and putting both of ours on someone’s desk. I grabbed Daniel’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Huh?” he muttered.
“I want you. Let’s go.”
We rushed out of the party, my thigh itching for his touch. For his tingly squeezes, so hard they radiate. I wanted him to pull my legs so wide for him to enter me. I wanted him.
“Bathroom?” Daniel offered.
I shook my head and scrunched my nose. “No. Let’s go up to the floor above us.”
I took the stairs and into our higher up offices. Offices that I hardly visit but still managed to find my way.
“Aren’t we going to get you into trouble for this?” Daniel asked.
“Nope.” I pushed open an unlocked office, leaving the lights off and blinds only half-closed to allow a certain amount of street light in. “It’s holiday season, these offices expect sex!”
Daniel laughed. I took note of this office; it looked like someone recently got fired, it was so empty. I dropped down to my knees and started unbuckling Daniel’s belt. Daniel scanned the room once more, out the front door, and then placed his hand gently over my head. He breathed heavily as I took him into my mouth, moving slowly along my tongue. He moaned and turned his face up to the ceiling, scrunching my hair the harder he got.
Once he was fully excited I hopped up and jumped onto the desk. Daniel, with his pants at his ankles, waddled towards me and I tried to refrain from laughing. I was so close though.
“Take me,” I whispered, pulling up the hem of my dress as Daniel pulled my panties down.
“Mmm red and white, like candy canes. Just as sweet too.”
I laughed. “Just getting into the Christmas spirit.”
Daniel cupped my jaw with his right hand and the back of my head with his left, pulling me into a vigorous kiss as I rubbed him.
“I love you,” he said when we pulled apart.
I smiled and a thought came to my mind just as quickly as it flew out when he pushed inside of me. He grabbed my thighs and pulled me in closer as he thrusted slowly.
“You’re beautiful,” I let slip out.
Daniel laughed. “I should be saying that to you.”
I didn’t laugh with him. That thought kept itching at the back of my mind. “Daniel.”
“Yeah?” his lips at my neck.
“I can’t marry you now.” I closed my eyes and awaited his hurt.
He just stopped thrusting. Paused and pulled back from my neck. “Why not?” he brushed my hair away from my face.
“I do want to marry you,” I started to explain. “Just not now. I don’t want a five year long engagement and I want us to—”
“Who says we’re going to have a five year long engagement?”
I shrugged, unable to find the clarification. “I just don’t feel it’s right. I’m sorry.” I looked down. We were still connected but not moving, kind of like how our relationship is right now. Yet the only move—the big step—we’re making is living together. But I don’t know if that’s enough to see we’ve come so far.
“Are you sure you want to get married?” Daniel asked. “I mean, not just because I want to marry you. Do you want to marry me?”
“Of course I do.”
“I don’t know if I’m sensing some hesitance.”
“I’m just a little worried.”
“You think too much about it.”
“I know,” I mumbled. “I know.”
“I’m in love with you, Anna.”
“Promise you won’t get bored with me?”
Daniel chuckled and stroked my cheek. “Never.”
I turned red. “And…promise you won’t hold stupid questions like that against me?”
We laughed together. “I promise.”
I nodded and breathed in. “I know you feel that the proposals are becoming…”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. But…will you wait?”
Daniel sighed. “I’ll wait.”
He started thrusting again once our conversation finished. His hard-on returned but the playful chemistry we had coming into this room was lost, and it took a lot longer than normal for the both of us to come.
“Merry Christmas, honey,” my mother said when I called her.
“Jim says Merry Christmas as well.”
I rolled my eyes. I know, I know! I’m accepting and all, it’s just going to take me a while. “Say it back to him for me.”
“Well, look, I just called because last time we ended things on a weird note. I want to know what’s going on.”
“Going on with what?” her voice peaked.
“You can’t hide it. I know something’s up and you just won’t tell me. Tell me.”
“Mom,” I warned, “tell me.”
“After the new year sweetheart, okay?”
“What? No, now!”
“Anna, just trust me okay. After the new year I will tell you.”
I figured it wasn’t such a serious thing that she would hold it till the New Year. It was something I could just wait for, at her own pace, and so I wasn’t going to push it.
Midnight was coming around and Daniel and I were getting ready for bed. He sat at the foot, zoning out, and I crawled up from behind him, wrapping my arm over his shoulder and around his chest.
“I love you,” I said.
Daniel huffed a little chortle. “You’re cute.”
“Trying to make me feel better. I’m good.”
“I’m just concerned.”
“I know you are. And I assure you, I’m good.”
I moved my hands down to his groin. “How good?”
“Anna,” he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it, “I’m kind of tired. Can we go to bed?”
Daniel never turns down sex. Even if he’s exhausted, he’d still try. “Yeah, sure.”
I know my reservations about marriage was sending him the wrong message, but what can I say? What can I do? I just know it’s not right, right now. It doesn’t feel right, I don’t feel like we’re there yet. And I really don’t want to keep disappointing him. What’s worse though: that I disappoint him momentarily now, or in the future when it’s more difficult?
I’m starting to feel like both our parents’ marriages are affecting me on a subconscious level now. Before I thought I could get passed it, but lately, I mean, I really don’t have a better reason for not marrying Daniel and I can’t think of anything else besides just not being ready. Is that insane?
As I was in bed, wide awake and tired, thinking of how heartless I was being, a faint ringing intruded into my thoughts. I went on the hunt for my clutch and answered the phone without even thinking. The white words on the screen blurry.
“Hello?” I whispered, crouched on the floor.
“It’s me. Adam.”
Of course it is.
***AMA for the author is still up for those who want to ask me anything! Merry Christmas! Soul xo***