“You’re an idiot,” Janet said.
“Heeeeyy,” I whined.
“I’m sorry but something is clearly wrong with you.”
“I only said I wasn’t ready.”
“You’ll never be ready with that attitude, Anna. And what’s there to be ready about? It’s marriage not an execution.”
“I know,” I muttered. “But so many things can go wrong.”
“See. That’s your problem.”
“What is?” I asked defensively. Pull back, Anna, pull back.
“Your problem is that you’re in search of all the wrong reasons. You’ve found every reason under the sun of why you shouldn’t marry Daniel and it’s making you complacent in this relationship.”
Not even Dr. Shaw, no matter how good she is, would’ve given me this kind of insight. I know therapists are supposed to be impartial and unbiased and that’s why they’re able to give the best advice and whatnot. But Janet knows me, and sometimes being biased is key to deciphering someone. Someone like me. And she was right.
I sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re making something so easy be so complicated. A man this devoted to you would never break your heart, if that’s what you’re afraid of. He’s going to be there for you, Anna. Always.”
“You can’t tell that.”
“I so can.”
I chuckled. “How?”
“Oh, easy is it?”
“Mm-hmm. But that’s not the point and you know it.”
“He’s always found his way back into your heart, proposed to you a billion times, and even though you haven’t budged, he’s still here. What does that tell you?”
“He’ll be with me no matter what,” I muttered absentmindedly.
“He’ll be with you no matter what,” Janet repeated in assurance.
I covered my mouth with the palm of my hand. “Oh no, Janet, what have I done?”
“He’s not going to propose to me again! I’ve ruined my chances. I’ve refused his proposal. You’re right, I’m such an idiot!”
“Alright, wait, just calm down.”
There was a silence where I thought Janet was devising a plan. But she didn’t speak for a long time. “Wait for what?”
“I don’t know,” she breathed.
In that same moment, I had an idea. And I smiled a cheeky smile. On the corner of my lips and at the peripheral of my vision, I could see a way as I began to scheme. I sound like an evil person planning to kidnap but it’s not how it sounds. Even though my little giggle made it sound like was planning my ransom note.
“What?” Janet asked in response to my weirdness.
“Okay. This might sound crazy but bear with me.”
“Why don’t I propose to him!?”