I Can’t Feel My Face


This is Anna Parker reporting to you from 2016. Ha! I’m having fun already. In all honesty, I know everyone has all these resolutions compiled inside a neat box in their mind, ready to flesh them out whenever they’re ready or leave to stay for good beside their memories of long gone 2015, but I’m ready to make my own. I’ve never had a New Year resolution and I think it might be because I’m afraid of failing. Well no more, sir-ee! This year, it’s different. Because I’m starting off differently. Because everything will be different. There’s a whole year for difference to happen for peep’s sake, it’s got to happen! So, this year, my resolution is to stay optimistic as much as I can. Mostly about career and people.

I don’t know about you, but being an assistant to an editor isn’t all I want to do for the rest of my life. Oh no, what I really want is to be published. An author. A novelist. I want to be Stephen-motherfucking-Queen! I want my name on a book I believe in and love, and that book atop a shelf. My shelf. Your shelf. JLo’s gold encrusted shelf. Which is why I’ve given myself a timeline. Oh yes, a timeline; six weeks before my birthday, I want it done. That’s it. No excuses! I’ve had this story in my mind for a year, planned it out (vaguely because I don’t like the limitations of plans) for a month, I’m writing it as we speak. And I just want it to be done. If for nothing, then I can at least say I finished a novel that I love and believe in.

And Daniel believes in! Well, he hasn’t read it. Any of it. But he still thinks it’ll be great. The encouragement I get from him brings new air into my lungs, new life inside my eyes, more fuel to oil the working cogs of my mind. Most of all, it brings me hope that this dream will turn into a reality.

The other part of my optimism is people. I have a habit of letting people bring me down so hard. Even if they don’t intentionally do so. Adam never does, but I always feel conflicted when it comes to him, and I don’t think that’ll ever change. What I can change, perhaps, is that I don’t let our broken, messed up relationship, get to me. I’m still undecided about going to his wedding by the way. Brad is a dick and Justin a dick Jr. who intentionally try to ruin me, so I got to work on those two dweebs. Yes, I said dweebs! Richard is the dick-less dick (as I’ve mentioned around the first times I’ve him) that I’ve come to realise must hate his hollow life to even mess with a bad bitch like me. Mmm-hmm I am so ready to not take any more crap from that guy. I can at least try and trying is good enough for me.

So I guess there needs to be an update on the whole ‘proposing to Daniel’ plan. Well, I’ve been chickening out like the poultry Queen. It’s not that I don’t want to marry him. Trust me, I now know for sure and I don’t want to wait. But now I’m wondering if I should even be the one to propose. I know! I know! I missed my shot and everything. But I also don’t want to miss the experience of him proposing to me, plus, I don’t want to take that away from him considering he’s the one that’s been doing all the proposing in our relationship. So I’m kind of stuck in limbo again. I’ve decided that I’m not going to propose but just tell him: I want to marry you. And see where it goes from there. Maybe he’ll get down on one knee right then and there. Maybe I’ll drop a few hints first and see if he picks up on them. Ugh, I’m the worst I know.

Anyway, moving on, the New Year kind of started off like a roller-coasting bitch for me…


It’s the day before New Year’s Eve and I’m rolling around in bed without a care in the world. I was imagining myself to be worried and hurriedly scurrying around to make plans with friends. What happened in the end was that I was invited to a roof top party with Jenny’s Park Avenue friend (long story short, it’s this rich, bratty, bored friend of hers—not my words, it’s Jenny’s). To tell you the truth, I don’t really like Park Avenue. There’s this huge disconnect between the Parkenue’s and me. Them and us. It’s a whole other world, and I’m not sure if I completely like that world yet. Either way, Jenny told me I can bring as many people as I wanted to make me feel comfortable and I invited pretty much everyone I knew. Leo, Johnny, Paul, Noelle, and of course, Daniel. In case you’re wondering, Jodie went back to California to celebrate with her Californian souls. Hey, I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I just wish I had one Californian girlfriend just like old times.

So anyway, New Year’s Eve was pretty much set with attendees and who’s going where and where we can watch the fireworks. The most important part. Apparently we’ll be able to see the ball drop from Park Avenue’s place but, we’ll see. Either way, Daniel and I made a pact to not drink all week—not even a sip!—before New Year’s because we know we’re going to be smashing it out and getting’ turnt up! So then it came as a surprise to me when I woke up to a weird sensation along the right side of my face.

I crawled out of bed with my bones cracking as if I did hard cardio the night before. Sidenote: my gym game is low. I paced to the long window in the corner of the room and closed up on my face. I pressed around my brow bone and it hurt, my eye socket hurt, my cheek bone hurt, my cheeks, everything that was on the right side of my face hurt. I peered in closer and there it was, to my great disappointment.

“Oh no,” I whined. “No, no, no, no, no!”

“What’s the matter!? What?” Daniel jumped into the room.

I spun around, covering my lips with my right hand. “Nothing.”

Daniel straightened up and came closer. “Are you okay?”

“No—yes! Yes, I’m fine.”

“Anna,” Daniel warned, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes on me. “What’s wrong?”

I groaned and bounced on my feet. “Okay, this is something that I never told you about and you never saw because I thought it would never come back again—” I rattled my tongue with the words out on speed— “because it hadn’t appeared since like two years and it’s so, so embarrassing!”

Daniel softened his eyes. “What is it, babe?”

I dropped my hand. Daniel moved closer and squinted. “What is that?”

I turned hot red. Like more embarrassed than I’ve ever been before about a boyfriend finding out a gross secret that I thought was buried deep into my teenage years. “It’s a cold sore.”

“Looks like a clusterfuck of cold sores.”

“Daniel…” I whined.

“Is it painful?”

“Yeah, it’s going to get worse.”

“Worse? How much worse can it get than that?”

“It swells.”


“Like a fucking ba—ba—“ I huffed— “ballooooooon!” I squealed and burst out in tears.

“Aww Anna,” Daniel sympathy-laughed, pulling me into a stronghold hug.

“It’s so ugly!” I sniffled.

“No it isn’t.”

“Well it ain’t pretty!” I squealed again. This time I inadvertently giggled with him.

“Is it permanent?”

“No. It lasts like ten days max. But through all that it’s gruelling.”

“Gruelling how?”

“Well,” I sniffed again, “it starts out like this. Then it gets bigger, then it gets gross, and I might start leaking, and my gums are going to start hurting.”

“Then it’ll go down.”

I pulled back. “Then it’ll go down.”

He stroked my tears away. “Then it’ll go away.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“You got nothing to worry about then.”

“But New Year’s!” I bounced again.

“Don’t worry, any photos of that night will be forgotten in the Facebook vortex of party albums.”

I hiccupped. My lips stretched. My eyes squinted. And I burst into a fresh set of tears. “I wasn’t even thinking about the photos,” I squealed for the third time.

Daniel laughed again. “Hey,” he pulled me at the waist and startled me into ceasing my crying, “you know what I’m going to do at midnight?” I shook my head. “I’m going to pull you in, hold you tight, and kiss you on your lips. If they’re not too sore.”

I smiled. “You would do that?” I thought he would be too grossed out. But I’d have to wait until it really manifested for me to know if he would really do that.

“Of course. In sickness and in health, right?” he said, walking away. He stopped midway to the door, half-turned his head, and then cleared his throat, stepping out. “Umm, I’m making some breakfast, come out when you’re ready.”

“O—okay,” I stuttered, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

I told him about the pain in the right side of my face as well. During breakfast. He asked if I should go to the doctor and I said I won’t. Not until I let it ride out first. Maybe that’s all it’ll need.

The next day we were making preparations for our Parkenue party when I was staring at myself in the mirror at different angles, took selfies to see how it would turn out.

“Does it really look that bad?” I asked Daniel.

“No, of course not,” Daniel said, even though he couldn’t tear his eyes away from my lip.

I rolled my eyes and moaned. “Ugh, you best not say how bad it is.”

“You best not look at the mirror so much.”

I groaned and fell into bed face first.

Daniel laughed. “Aww I’m kidding, I’m sorry. Come on, get ready and just don’t think about it.”

“It’s hideous,” I said, my voice muffled by the pillow. “I’ll be a laughing stock.”

Daniel sighed and I felt the bed dip as he sat beside me, stroking my hair. “Look, I’m only going to this party because you’re going. If you don’t want to go, if you feel like you won’t have a good time, then I won’t go too.”

“No, no, no,” I shook my head. “I can’t take that away from you. I’ll just suck it up.”

Daniel chuckled. “In all honesty, I’ve been going to New Year’s parties since I was a button in my mother’s belly.” Daniel scrunched his nose at the old saying and I had to refrain from giggling. “Point is, I’ll be just as happy—more even—to stay in this little apartment with you. Hey, we’re all dressed up, we can pop the champagne. Hmm? What do you say?”

“Daniel…” I slapped him on his thigh.

“I’m serious. What’s your pleasure? I’ll be happy to go and happy to stay, so long as it’s with you it really doesn’t matter to me.”

I clutched the right side of my face. “Ow my face hurts.”

“I can’t feel my face!” Daniel sing-songed, bouncing on the bed, “I can’t feel my face! I can’t feel my face!”

“What is that?”

Daniel shrugged. “I’m guessing it’s from a viral video. I just hear people say it here and there.”

We were both startled by a knock on the door. “Come on losers, let’s go!”

“That’s definitely Jenny,” Daniel said.

The cold sore, my gums and half my face aren’t going to keep me from having a good night. “Let’s do this,” I said to Daniel.

“You sure?” he smiled.

“Positive. I’m optimistic.”

“Well, alright!”


I tried with all my might, as if I were the long lost sister of Kylie Jenner, to cover my mouth with my hand. I didn’t realise just how self-conscious I’d be until I entered the apartment of richville and travelled up to the roof top where the party was being held. The hostess, Britney, was already drunk off her ass.

“Her parents aren’t home,” Jenny explained. “This is their place, not hers.”

“You sound like you don’t like her.”

“She can be a handful at times, but it’s okay. She’s cool overall.”

“Meaning she’s rich?”

Jenny laughed. “Something like that!”

At the entrance, more people started filtering out into this surprisingly large roof top. I put my hand up as soon as I saw people I recognised. “Johnny! Paul! Over here!”

They smiled as they walked over, but their eyes started closing in on my lip and I immediately wanted to die all over again.

“Oh my God,” Paul squealed, hugging me and whispering into my ear, “What happened to your face!?”

I whacked Paul on his chest. “Paul!”

“Sorry,” he said.

Johnny eyed Daniel accusatorily, Daniel was taken aback and just puffed out his chest.

“It’s a cold sore,” I rushed to explain. “Woke up with it. The darn thing!”

“Happy new year, Anna,” Johnny said, leaning in for a hug.

“Aww thanks Johnny.”

“Where’s the bar?” Paul asked.

I laughed and pointed. “There.”

“Alrighty, let’s go fuel up Johnny.”

Daniel leaned over. “Did you see the way he looked at me?”

“What? Who? Johnny? Nahhh.” I tried concealing the obviousness of it but I failed miserably.

“Douche probably thinks I beat you up now.”

“I’m sure it’s a total misunderstanding.”

“Better be otherwise he can find out first hand—”

“Noelle!” I raised my hand up in the air again as soon as I saw her. Thankful for the distraction. “Leo!”

The both of them came, and as I hugged Leo, I saw right behind him, was Justin.

“Justin!?” I scrunched my nose.

“Oh my God, what happened to your face!?” he pointed, laughing just loud and raucously enough for other people to hear.

I quickly hid it.

“This is Justin?” Daniel asked angrily.

“I see I’ve been talked about,” Justin grinned.

“Oh you’re ‘bout to get fucked up about, too,” Daniel said, almost lunging at Justin before I grabbed him.

“New Year’s party. Keep it cool. Please?”

“The fucker—” he hissed.

“I know, I know. Just please? For me?”

Justin snapped his fingers and pointed, all nonchalant. “See you later, then. I’m about to go see that girl about her pussy. Excuse me.”

“Why’d you invite him, Noelle!?”

“It wasn’t me. It was Leo. They’re like best friends now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, really?”

“Okay, I’m watching you from all the way over there,” Jenny interjected, “and I can’t take that frown on your cold sored face anymore. Have a drink.”

“Jenny…” I began to protest.

She shook her head and shrugged me off. “You too mister!”

“Me?” Daniel asked.

“Guys, please, take my advice?” she held us both at the shoulders. “Get belligerently drunk. Whatever the problems are tonight, just get drunk.”

After the first few drinks all I remembered was Daniel and I laughing our asses off. Tumbling around. Tripping on our feet. And a lot of beautiful, purrtty lights in the sky. So colourful and glittery.

The morning after, we managed to take a cab back to Daniel’s place. We were riddled with headaches, mine more so because my freakin’ face still didn’t stop hurting. And we both hit the bed. Neither of us could be bothered taking a shower just yet.

Before I slept though, I took out my phone and checked how many photos I’ve been tagged in on Facebook. It was quite a few. I strummed through them until I found Daniel and I kissing at midnight. Just like he promised. I smiled and looked out for the next photo. The both of us leaning into the camera, laughing, and blood smeared all over our lips.

***Happy New Year!! Missed ya! I hope everyone’s new year was fantastic and safe! Welcome back to CaliforniaSoulBlog! Soul xo***


13 thoughts on “I Can’t Feel My Face

  1. Ewwww! hahahaha! Poor Anna!! Talk about having the worst luck ever!!! I think everybody knows what it’s like to get a big, honkin’ zit in the middle of your face before an important night…. a big cold sore!? What a doozy. Never had one so far (*knocks on wood*), and hope I never will!
    ….I am slightly concerned if her face is hurting that bad, though! I wonder if she has some other bad infection. Hopefully she gets checked out STAT if she doesn’t start feeling better.

    Loved this long post, Soul!! You’re the best! Happy New Year!

  2. Eww. Blood? That’s gross. They should have been more careful . She should have mentioned that waaayyy before now. ‘Cold sores’ are actually herpes, otherwise known as hsv-1, and they can be spread even if she’s not having an outbreak so shes contagious even when she thinks she’s not . Also, hsv-1 (oral herpes) can become hsv-2 (genital) herpes. How nice of her to possibly be going around spreading an STD to everyone she’s ever kissed or had oral sex with!! Hope Adam gets tested before he gets married, his fiance has a right to know…

    1. Ewww! I just did some research on cold sores – and you are totally right!!!! I actually never knew that!! That is disgusting. I never realized that they are that contagious (“From the first tingle” as one of my sources said) or that they can actually spread to your eyes or genitals!! What in the world. Yikes!! Never looking at a cold sore the same way again, lol.

    2. whoa harsh, but yeah, i was having similar thoughts! 😡 generally when you have a contagious virus, it’s a good idea to let people know before you smooch them.

    3. I’ve read, heard, whatnot both ways. That it can be contagious while it’s active ONLY, and I’ve also known that it can be contagious when it’s dormant AND active. I’ve also read that if Daniel has experienced it (or a real life person) then they might not get it. It’s possible for people to have experienced a cold sore at a very young age and not remember.

      Either way, I’m definitely going to research more about this as the statistic is 80% experience cold sores. Or something rather, point is, it’s reeeeeaaaaaally common!

      Soul xo

      1. And also the cold sore has to be there and graze/touch the penis during oral for it to be contracted as genital herpes. Also, another thing I’ve read/heard/whatnot.

  3. Yay!! This post made my day, welcome back Soul! Loved the post and hearing Anna’s thoughts, especially about the proposal. I think she is on the right track there! And ugh, can someone put Justin in his place – he is infuriating! Glad that Anna and Daniel had a fun NYE!

  4. I just don’t know what to say about Anna on this one. Didn’t quite understand the issue (a cold sore that makes the whole face sore?)but if it bothered her so badly, why go out? I get that she wanted to celebrate but sometimes she is just too much drama!!
    Happy New Year Soul!

    1. Me neither. Why would her entire face hurt? She should be more aware and not try to contaminate anyone. Why wouldn’t she go to the doctor immediately instead of waiting? The blood was too much for me. Can we have one normal post without drama and craziness.

      1. What would you like to read about in a normal, no-drama, no-craziness filled post? And Amy W, the whole right side of her face hurting was an addition not the cause of a cold sore. Don’t know if it was and don’t know if it wasn’t, but I don’t think I said it was.

        Soul xo

  5. Pshh. May be a little weird because we all get squeamish at the mention of blood but I had no issues with this post. I don’t think Anna wanting to go out instead of being held back means she’s drama or that is caused drama. Things happen. I don’t think I would’ve had the balls to go out if I had a horrendous cold sore on my face so kudos to her!
    Anxious for more soon!

  6. the only issue I had was cringing at the pain she must have had. I’m not saying it can’t happen, I don’t know that many people who get cold sores, but to have it effect the whole side of your face and then basically burst, that’s a big deal. mum

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