Chloe Catfishes

I hammered Chloe’s front door furiously. “Chloe! Chloe! Are you okay!?”

I heard running footsteps and then the door flew open. “Whoa. What’s happening?”

“What?” I asked confusedly. “You send me those weird texts and don’t answer my calls. I was worried. Is everything okay?”

She smiled. “Yeah, come in.”

“Okay…”

I scanned the room looking for signs of a hostage situation. All seemed well.

“So, how is everything?” she asked.

“How is…? Umm, I ran out on lunch, I got out of work early because I thought something happened to you.”

“Sorry about that,” she said, abashedly.

“That’s okay,” I breathed out sharply to calm myself and straightened up. “So long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“Okay. Then…what the fuck…?”

“I may have done something good or bad depending on the way you look at it.”

“For the love of all that is holy stop being so cryptic.”

“I signed you up for online dating!” she shot out.

I paused. “’Scuse me?”

“I literally catfished everyone pretending to be you until I got an email from PR or something.”

“Oh my God…”

“They’re offering a chance to go on a date with the man of your choice, all expenses paid.”

I chuckled humourlessly and turned my ear towards her, raising my brows. “’Scuse me?”

“Did I forget to mention that it’s a destination dating site?”

“Umm…”

“You get to go on vacation,” she tried, cheerily, slapping her hands together limply and putting them up in the air in the hopes that she’d pull some excitement out of me. “Yay…”

“I’m not going,” I said.

“You sort of have to,” she brought her fingertips to her lips. “I accepted.”

“You accepted!? Chloe!”

“I’m sorry! I thought you needed a pick me up after you and Daniel broke up, so I just signed you up. I didn’t think it would come to this.”

“I need water,” I said, and under my breath I added, “And a Valium.”

***

Hey,’ I texted Daniel on the way to work.

Almost immediately I got a response. ‘Hey.’

Haven’t heard from you in a while.’

Been busy.’

Okay, I can dig the mono-syllabic Daniel if only I knew what the deal was. ‘Okay.’ I didn’t know what else to say. I even added a shrugging emoji with a face that perfectly matched mine.

I don’t think I’ll be able to make it for your birthday party.’

I furrowed my brows. He seemed so eager before. ‘Why not?

I just need some time to think about our whole situation.’

What situation?

I don’t want to go back to us emotional self-harming.’

Ouch. ‘That’s a bit a harsh. I thought you enjoyed us being together. I did.

It’s not that I didn’t. I just don’t want to reduce our relationship to booty calls.’

Well, what if all I wanted for my birthday was for you to spend it with me?

Lol come to New York then.’

You know I can’t.’

It’s why I asked.’

Ouch two times.

Look,’ he finally said as I remained silent, ‘next month I’ll visit, or you will, will hang and that’ll at least give us both time to think things through.’

I don’t want to think things through. ‘Fine.’

Fine?

I said fine.’ I hope he didn’t picture me stomping on the floor like a child.

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3 thoughts on “Chloe Catfishes

  1. I don’t think I ever actually read Moby Dick, but I know enough of the story to think that Anna is Ahab… perfectly content chasing the great white whale (Daniel) until it destroys one or both of them…

  2. I had fervently HOPED that Daniel was over!!!
    What idiot signs up for a ‘destination dating site’? Chloe can go! Is that even real?! Good grief!
    I’d like to see more with the guy from the office-Michael?!!! Even the douch bag stripper -and we all know that’s just booty calls is better than D.
    Ugh!

  3. Is it just me or is this so not believable? Destination dating? Seriously? Daniel still in the picture. Before long Adam will be back too. For me it seems that the same repeated stories with a twist of the unbelievable.

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